14 December 2017

5 psychological reasons why you can’t lose weight

There are many reasons a person might not be able to gain weight. Many of these are physical, while many others are actually psychological. There are five major psychological reasons that could be behind your inability to lose weight. Anyone who is having trouble losing weight should be on the lookout for these signs that a psychological factor might be at play. Dealing with a weight issue is difficult as it is, do you have one of these five psychological reasons for not being able to lose weight?

#1 You’re addicted to instant gratification.
This is the most common psychological reason behind someone’s inability to lose weight and keep that weight off long term. Psychology Today talks about how “Yo Yo dieting” is always associated with dieting because the concept of dieting is designed to have quick results. This desire for quick results can lead to people attempting other types of potentially dangerous dieting that won’t necessarily be effective in the long term. Weight loss requires a long-term commitment to change and if you’re stuck doing on-again off-again dieting because you want instant results you’ll end up in a rut.

#2 You have a serious lack of impulse control.
While many joke that they can’t help but have one more bite, you often take it way too far. Even when you’re full you can’t say no if someone offers you food. This lack of impulse control is unlikely to be limited to just your food consumption so don’t confuse this with your everyday sweet-tooth. Someone with an impulse control problem is going to have a difficult time losing weight because their lack of self-control is on a level most can’t comprehend. Psychology Today suggests that these people try to practice delaying their gratification for as long as possible to fight this.

#3 Your willpower is being depleted in other ways.
We don’t have an infinite amount of willpower. Psychology Today suggests that this is actually why most people break their diets at night. If you are having undue amounts of stress, lack of sleep, or anything else that would serve as a frustration to you – dieting may be too daunting for you. Psychology Today calls it “willpower depletion” and says that it can be reversed with rest and relaxation most of the time. However, you should always consider environmental factors that might be depleting your willpower too.

#4 Too much drinking.
Psychology Today calls is “alcoholic myopia,” meaning that people are less inhibited overall due to their drinking. This person’s diet is going great until they get to the end of the day and their friends convince them to hit the bar. Once they get drinking they lose and desire to diet and they buy whatever bar-food is most accessible. The regret the next morning is less alcohol related than food related. This person doesn’t necessarily have to be drunk to stop caring about their diet and start binge-eating.

#5 You’re the victim of your own mental bargaining.
There are two different ways that Psychology Today describes this happening. First, you have a “self-licensing” situation. This is the classic scenario where you tell yourself “I’ve been so good that I deserve a reward.” This rewarding psychology ends up being self-defeating and any progress made is set back by all the celebrating you do over what might not even be legitimate achievements. The second way your brain tricks you in to skipping your diet is through the “fell off the wagon” rut people can get into. Someone could break a rule in their diet just once and then give up on dieting altogether in favor of unhealthy options because in their mind they already broke their diet and it’s too late. Don’t get caught up in the mental bargaining that keeps you from accomplishing your goals. The easiest way to avoid it is to not engage in these types of mental crutches.

Credit - www.davidwolfe.com

13 December 2017

Management rights

It's a huge privilege to be given the task of managing other people at work. And with privilege comes responsibility.

In your management role, you have more control than simply approving a day off or signing a letter.

Your approach and attitude, your level of engagement and trust, and your kindness and empathy can literally make another's life joyous or heinous.

Micro manage a staff member, reject their ideas, limit their professional development opportunities and not align their skills with appropriate tasks and not only will you breed discontent in the workplace, you will breed discontent in that person's home.

You face attrition in the workplace, increased unexplained absences, and poor work performance permeating throughout every facet of workplace operation.

But for that person being micro managed, they return home and snap at their partner or kids, turn to alcohol as a stress relief instead of the gym, and slowly descend into misery.

Where's the fun in that?

Working hard and not being recognised needs to be foreign to us all. I really don't care for the argument that "well you're getting paid so you do what I say".

Grow up. Those are words from inexperienced and incapable managers, an immaturity that is offensive and ridiculous at the same time.

There are volumes upon volumes of studies proving the positive bottom line effects of a harmonious working environment. Treat people with respect, listen to their ideas and bloody well stand up and defend them when the office bully strides past.

I speak from experience, from both sides of the situation.

I've got to rush, so I'll make my story my next post.

Be kind to each other x

06 December 2017

Is there an excuse for cheating?

So, true story.

When confronted by his girlfriend about his secretive online dating activity, where she cited she'd been monitoring it for some weeks and had even gone as far as creating her own fake profile so she could anonymously interact with him to find out his intentions, this was his reply:

"I was only doing it because I thought you were going to break up with me."

But your honour, she made me do it. Oh and the dog ate my homework.

Fuck off.

He then went on to say he didn't have sex with anyone, just chatted to them online.

Whatever. Like that made it palatable.

Whether cheating involves getting naked and jiggy-jiggy with another person, or simply perusing online profiles and going into chat rooms, I believe it's still cheating.

If you want to cheat, it means there is something fundamental about your current relationship that isn't satisfying all your needs. Which is ok, but you tell your partner this, and discuss it with them first, before heading into an online portal.

Or you think that the grass could be greener. Which is ok, but you tell your partner you think the grass on Tinder is greener, and give them the choice to say "go fuck yourself". Or, if she's more polite or perhaps more invested in the relationship than you, it gives them a chance to look at things from a different perspective ie. had they become complacent, taken too much for granted, stopped telling the other person just how much they mean?

Relationships are full of potholes. Some are little bumps that open up during a heavy downpour. But some are cavernous sinkholes, that swallow you up when you fall into their vortex.

The thing is, they're made up of people. Human beings. And human beings are flawed and often stupid, but they're also a big cosmos of emotions and feelings. And intelligence. Which means pretty much most of the time, we know right from wrong.

If you want to cheat, then first you need to leave.

Stop thinking you can have your cake, and eat it, then order another one from a different shop that doesn't know you ate a cake an hour ago.

04 December 2017

Interesting take on procrastination by Tony Robbins

Procrastination is not a reflection of your attitude, work ethic, or competence. Procrastination is actually a behavior meant to help us cope with stress. Whatever we are putting off is linked to something that is stressing us. Naturally, if you're stressed, you want to escape the stressor. So we do what makes sense, we try to avoid the stress and instead seek near-term satisfaction, or at least a distraction and refuge from the stress. It momentarily makes you feel good to avoid the stress.
"What we are avoiding isn't the task but rather the stress that we are associating with the task."

- Tony Robbins www.tonyrobbins.com

02 December 2017

3 tips for coping when you work for a psychopath

Psychopaths at work. Controlling, micro managing, aggressive, absence of self-awareness, and downright bloody scary. They truly are the worst people to work with and when they're in a position of power the damage they do is untenable.

But sadly working with them is sometimes the only option available. Which is ok, don't beat yourself up on this, you're a realist and that's a great person to be. But a few pointers on how to cope can be lifesaving. Here's three of them:

Keep your head down. In other words, don't poke the bear. A psychopathic boss doesn't like to be questioned, second guessed or shown up. EVER. So even though you can see a more efficient solution, or have a stellar idea for a new client, do yourself a favour and keep quiet. It's really not worth it. Not worth having the psychopath berate you, usually in front of your colleagues. And not worth the feeling of frustration and inadequacy you will invariably experience. Find another outlet for your genius instead - start an online business that you can do from work, begin a blog, find a volunteer organisation... you're smart and fabulous, don't let the psychopath that take away.

Confirm everything in writing. Even if all the psychopath wanted you to do was pick them up coffee. Your email would look something like, "Dear Psychopath, confirming I'm heading out to pick you up a large flat white with an extra shot from Johnny's Coffee House on George Street." Yep sorry but believe me this level of detail will save you. And never delete anything, not an email nor a text, nothing. You never know when you'll need to show them to HR, or a union rep, or a lawyer. 

Flatter them.  I'm sorry about this one. It makes me want to have a little bit of a vomit. Flattering someone you'd prefer to flatten is one tough gig. It's hard to say "Hey that speech you gave today was inspirational" when really you want to say "the whole time you were talking I was hoping a brick would fall from the ceiling and split your head in two". But if you butter the psychopath up, it can actually make life that little bit easier. It's like taking a Valium, it doesn't cure everything but it sure takes the edge off.

Perhaps point four could be "update your resume" but I figure if you're smart enough to know you work for a psychopath, you're smart enough to have a resume at the ready.

Good luck x 

30 November 2017

Motivation and self-discipline #1

The most important barrier in behavioural change is forcing yourself to behave differently to how you feel.

Self-discipline and success go hand in hand.

The best part about self-discipline is it helps you get things done. And when you get things done, you have more success.

So therefore, the quickest road to success is to stop being fucking lazy, and just start working.

27 November 2017

You want to have a birthday

I routinely become fed up, annoyed, and really quite bored by those who bemoan an upcoming birthday.

"Aaaahhh it's my birthday next week, I'm just going to stay home and hide."

"I really don't want it to be my birthday, I'm getting so old."

"Do you think I could just skip my birthday this year?"

"I wish I was born on 29 February."

"I hate my birthday."

"I wish I never had another birthday again."

Look I'm aware we all hate the notion of getting older. Getting older means we are getting closer to the day when we are going to die.

But think about it. If you don't ever have another birthday, you're left with one option.

You're dead.

Yep, dead. Deceased, departed, gone, no more, passed on, passed away, with God.

If the two choices you had were an annual birthday or eternity in a casket, I bet everything you'd take #1.

Suck it up princes and princesses. Moan about something authentic - domestic violence, aged care, or unaffordable housing prices.

Not your fucking age. '

You're probably upset about your upcoming birthday because you realise another year had gone by and you haven't done a single one of those things you said you'd do on your birthday last years - like start a blog, replant the front garden, lose 10kg or take a cruise. You're still in the same shitty job with the same shitty boss. Your spare room is still a shrine to hoarding. You didn't follow through on that Italian language class you were planning to take. You haven't read Anna Karenina despite the fact it lies in full view on your bedside table.

Your birthday doesn't suck. Your life does.

We are all older than some people and younger than others. That's just how it works.

You're not able to stop the process so how about worrying about stuff you can control.