29 September 2017

Phrases to ditch

The beauty of social awareness is that a few simple adjustments to what you say can vastly improve your relationships. To that end, there are some phrases that emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid in casual conversation. The following phrases are nine of the worst offenders. Avoid them at all costs.

1. “You look tired.”

Tired people are incredibly unappealing—they have droopy eyes and messy hair, they have trouble concentrating and they’re as grouchy as they come. Telling someone he looks tired implies all of the above and then some.

Instead say, “Is everything OK?” Most people ask if someone is tired because they’re intending to be helpful (they want to know if the other person is OK). Instead of assuming someone’s disposition, just ask. This way, he can open up and share. More important, he will see you as concerned instead of rude.

2. “Wow, you’ve lost a ton of weight!”

Once again, a well-meaning comment—in this case a compliment—creates the impression that you’re being critical. Telling someone that she has lost a lot of weight suggests that she used to look fat or unattractive.

Instead say, “You look fantastic.” This one is an easy fix. Instead of comparing how she looks now to how she used to look, just compliment her for looking great. It takes the past right out of the picture.

3. “You were too good for her anyway.”

When someone severs ties with a relationship of any type, personal or professional, this comment implies he has bad taste and made a poor choice in the first place.

Instead say, “Her loss!” This provides the same enthusiastic support and optimism without any implied criticism.

4. “You always…” or “You never…”

No one always or never does anything. People don’t see themselves as one-dimensional, so you shouldn’t attempt to define them as such. These phrases make people defensive and closed off to your message, which is a really bad thing because you likely use these phrases when you have something important to discuss.

Instead, simply point out what the other person did that’s a problem for you. Stick to the facts. If the frequency of the behavior is an issue, you can always say, “It seems like you do this often” or “You do this often enough for me to notice.”

Related: The Do’s and Don’ts of Tough Conversations

5. “You look great for your age.”

Using “for your” as a qualifier always comes across as condescending and rude. No one wants to be smart for an athlete or in good shape relative to other people who are also knocking on death’s door. People simply want to be smart and fit.

Instead say, “You look great.” This one is another easy fix. Genuine compliments don’t need qualifiers.

6. “As I said before…”

We all forget things from time to time. This phrase makes it sound as if you’re insulted at having to repeat yourself, which is hard on the recipient (someone who is genuinely interested in hearing your perspective). Getting insulted over having to repeat yourself suggests that either you’re insecure or you think you’re better than everyone else (or both!). Few people who use this phrase actually feel this way.

Instead, when you say it again, see what you can do to convey the message in a clearer and more interesting manner. This way they’ll remember what you said.

7. “Good luck.”

This is a subtle one. It certainly isn’t the end of the world if you wish someone good luck, but you can do better because this phrase implies that they need luck to succeed.

Instead say, “I know you have what it takes.” This is better than wishing her luck because suggesting that she has the skills needed to succeed provides a huge boost of confidence. You’ll stand out from everyone else who simply wishes her luck.

8. “It’s up to you” or “Whatever you want.”

Although you might be indifferent to the question, your opinion is important to the person asking (or else he wouldn’t have asked you in the first place).

Instead say, “I don’t have a strong opinion either way, but a couple things to consider are…” When you offer an opinion (even without choosing a side), it shows that you care about the person asking.

9. “Well at least I’ve never...”

This phrase is an aggressive way to shift attention away from your mistake by pointing out an old, likely irrelevant mistake the other person made (and one you should have forgiven her for by now).

Instead say, “I’m sorry.” Owning up to your mistake is the best way to bring the discussion to a more rational, calm place so that you can work things out. Admitting guilt is an amazing way to prevent escalation.

In everyday conversation, it’s the little things that make all the difference. Try these suggestions out, and you’ll be amazed at the positive response you get.

Source: www.success.com 

26 September 2017

Don't wait

Don't wait for things to get easier, simpler, or better. Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now. Otherwise, you'll run out of time.

25 September 2017

If you want to make an omelette, you've got to break some eggs

To get to where you want to be, you often need to do some hard yards.

That could be changing some habits.

It could be changing your attitude.

It could be changing your location, your name or your gender.

Whatever it is, you won't get to where you want to be without doing some hard yards.

To make an omelette you've got to break some eggs.

Thing is - how bad do you want it? Don't bother breaking your eggs until you can honestly and authentically answer that question.

24 September 2017

How to not give a fuck

Stop worrying about what people think about you; who cares what you're wearing, where you live or who you date. Lots of people will want to make comment and indulge in gossip about it. But remember that people are gossiping about you in a bid to avoid how horrific their own life is.

Are you doing the best you can? Can you honestly put your hand on your heart and say that you did a particular job or activity to the best of your ability? Fantastic. And if it wasn't good enough for someone else - be it your personal trainer, your partner or your boss - then that's not your problem to solve.

Do you have a few close, loyal family or friends? If they say you're doing ok then chances are they're right. Lighten up people. At the end of your life, it's usually not going to matter.

Regardless of the situation, follow these three steps to break the cycle and stop giving a fuck.

Catch yourself. The most important thing is to recognize that you're giving a fuck what others think, or seeking their approval.

Accept it. ...

Let it go.

Read more here

23 September 2017

Pursue all relationships to their natural conclusion

Powerful words when you're wondering whether to date a new person. You sort of feel attracted to them but there's a few red flags waving around in the air as well.

Instead of expending energy in an attempt to give your connection an explanation or a title, perhaps just enjoy it, ride it out and see what happens.

That doesn't mean you can't ask questions. Ask a million questions. Two million. If they have nothing to hide, they'll answer happily. If there's something to hide, the opposite.

But trust your instinct, listen to your body, and accept when it tells you you've crossed a particular finishing line.

But while it's happening, enjoy. Experience, savour, experiment, learn, grow.

Build a memory. Learn a lesson. Enrich your soul.

And be happy.